Art of Happiness

Fr: The Art of Happiness: a Handbook for Living
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. MD

Happiness vs Pleasure

DL :'Now sometimes people confuses happiness with pleasure. For example, not long ago, I was speaking to an Indian audience at Rajpur. I mentioned that the purpose of life was happiness, so one member of the audience said that Rajneesh teaches that our happiest moment comes during sexual activity, so through sex one can become the happiest.' I thought of that idea. I answered that from my point of view, the highest happiness is when one reaches the stage of Liberation, at which there is no more suffering., That's genuine, lasting happiness. True happiness relates more to the mind and heart. Happiness that depends mainly on physical pleasure is unstable; one day it's there, the next day it may not be.

Howard: Heather was a young single professional working as a counselor in the Phoenix area. Although she enjoyed her job working with troubled youth, for some time she had become increasingly dissatisfied with living in the Phoenix area. She often complained about the growing population, the traffic, and the oppressive heat in the summer, She had been offered a job in a beautiful town in the mountains. In fact, she had visited that town many times and had always dreamed of moving there. It was perfect. The only problem was the fact that the job she was offered involved an adult clientele. For weeks, she had been struggling with the decision of whether to accept the new job, She just couldn't make up her mind. She tried making a list of pros and cons, but the list was annoyingly even.
She explained," I know I wouldn't enjoy the work as much as my job here, but there would be more than compensated for by the pure pleasure of living in that town! I really love it there. Just being there makes me feel good. and I'm so sick of the heat here. I just don't know what to do."
Her mention of the term 'pleasure' reminded me of the Dalai Lama's words, and probing a bit, I asked, ' Do you think that moving there would bring you greater happiness or greater pleasure?'
She paused for a moment, uncertain what to make of the question. ......She decided to remain in Phoenix. Of course, she still complained about the summer heat. But, having made the conscious decision to remain there on the basis of what she felt would ultimately make her happier somehow made the heat more bearable.

The purpose of our life is happiness.

When life becomes too complicated and we feel overwhelmed, it's often useful just to stand back and remind ourselves of our overall purpose, our overall goal. When faced with a feeling of stagnation and confusion, it may be helpful to take an hour, an afternoon , or even several days to simply reflect on what it is that will truly bring us happiness, and then reset our priorities on the basis of that, This can put our life back in proper context, allow a fresh perspective, and enable us to see which direction to take.

' Sometimes when I meet old friends, it reminds me how quickly time passes. And it makes me wonder if we've utilized our time properly or not. Proper utilization of time is so important. While we have this body, and especially this amazing human brain, I think every minute is something precious. Our day-to-day existence is very much alive with hope, although there is no guarantee of our future. There is no guarantee that tomorrow at this time we will be there. But still we are working for that purely on the basis of hope. So, we need to make the best use of our time. I believe that the proper utilization of time is this: if you can , serve other people, other sentient beings. If not, at least, refrain from harming them. I think that is the whole basis of my philosophy.

So, let reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that. The purpose of our life needs to be positive. We weren't born with the purpose of causing trouble, harming others. For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities - warmth, kindness, compassion. Then our life becomes meaningful, and more peaceful - happier."

Are you ever lonely?
No.

DL: 'I think one factor is that I look at any human being from a more positive angle; I try to look for their positive aspects. This attitude immediately creates a feeling of affinity, a kind of connectedness. And it may partly be because on my part there is less apprehension, less fear that if I act in a certain way, maybe the person will lose respect or think that I am strange. So because of that kind of fear and apprehension is normally absent, there is a kind of openness. I think it's the main factor.'

'....if you approach others with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow an openness with other people. It creates a positive, friendly atmosphere. With that attitude, you can approach a relationship in which you, yourself, initially create the possibility of receiving affection or a positive response from the other person. And with that attitude, even if the other person is unfriendly or doesn't respond to you in a positive way, then at least you've approached the person with a feeling of openness that gives a certain flexibility and the freedom to change your approach as needed. That kind of openness at least allows the possibility of having a meaningful conversation with them. But without the attitude of compassion, if you are feeling closed, irritated, or indifferent, then you can even be approached by your best friend and you just feel uncomfortable.

'I think that in many cases people tend to expect the other person to respond to them in a positive way first, rather than taking the initiative themselves to create that possibility. I feel that's wrong; it leads to problems and can act as a barrier that just serves to promote a feeling of isolation from others. So, if you wish to overcome that feeling of isolation and loneliness, I think that our underlying attitude makes a tremendous difference. And approaching others with the thought of compassion in your mind is the best way to do this.'

If there is a solution to a problem, there is no need to worry. If there is no solution, there is no sense in worrying either.

'I think that generally, being honest with oneself and others about what you are or are not capable of doing can counteract that feeling of lack of self-confidence.'

"The more honest you are, the more open, the less fear you will have because there's no anxiety about being exposed or revealed to others. So, I think that the more honest you are, the more self-confident you will be..."

..As long as we know and maintain an awareness that we have this marvelous gift of human intelligence, and a capacity to develop determination and use it in positive ways, in some sense we have this underlying mental health. An underlying strength, that comes from realizing we have this great human potential.

This realization can act as a sort of built-in mechanism that allows us to deal with any difficulty, no matter what situation we are facing, without losing hope or sinking into self-hatred.
Reminding ourselves of the great qualities we share with all human beings acts to neutralize the impulse to think we're bad or undeserving. Many Tibetans do this as a daily mediation practice. Perhaps that's the reason why in Tibetan culture self-hatred never took hold.